When Ivy Stood Up Harley
by Leighgion
Summary: Poison Ivy's been breaking plans to go robbing and pillaging with Harley Quinn. Harley finds out why. She's wiser, but not happier.


**When Ivy Stood Up Harley**

**by Leighgion**

"Red! 'Ya.. ain't dressed."

"No, Harley. Should I be?"

"The banquet!"

"Banquet?"

"East Side Charity Ball? Lotsa rich folks, good food, easy loot, and press fer 'ya trees and stuff?"

"Oh.. my. I'm sorry, Harle, I forgot."

"That's the fourth time!"

"I know, I'm sorry. Can't you go hit Arkham?"

"I ain't allowed 'til Tuesday."

"Tuesday?"

"Puddin' said if I bust up Scarecrow's poker night, he's gonna defenstrate me."

"Clown's having a 'friendly' week with Crane?"

"Yeah, they got a roll on 'bout the psychology of fear in the poker bluff. Want to see who can get Jervis to crack faster."

"Be that as it may, Harley, I can't go out tonight."

"Aw, 'ya used 'ta be cool, Red! But 'ya changed. What happened?"

"I'm still cool. But you're right, Harle, something's happened."

"I knew it! Whatcha got cooking? Got some people in the pods? New plant people? Ooh! Ooh! Is it new plant people?"

"Nothing like that, Harley."

"This ain't another rainforest publicity gig, is it? 'Cause 'ya know that humid weather ain't good fer my face paint."

"Harley..."

"Last time 'ya went down there, Flashy socked 'ya one right under the chin."

"I remember, thank you very much."

"OK, so it ain't plant people or a rainforest gig. Do plant monsters count as plant people? Prolly, so that ain't it."

"I'm having an affair, Harley."

"Well yeah, but I'm trying to figure out which kind. Now don't tell me..."

"Harley, darling, I'm having an _affair_."

Harley Quinn peered at her friend and slowly bumped her knuckles together interrogatively.

"Yes Harley, that kind."

Ivy stuck her fingers in ears just in time. Emitting a high pitched squeal that scattered rats all over the block and drove a caged guinea pig two doors down to its knees, Harley crushed her smaller friend in a bear hug.

"Oh Red, that's terrific!"

"Mmf!"

"Whazzat? Oh, leggo, right!"

Once freed, Ivy nursed her side and shook her head.

"So now you know, Harley."

"This is so great! Ooo.. but I gotta ask though.. is it Batman?"

"It's not Batman."

"That'd just be wild crazy if you were with the Bat with me with Mistah J and them hatin' each other."

"It's not Batman."

"But if anybody could figure way 'round yer poison, it'd be him. Bat's always mixing up antidotes to Puddin's gas."

Before Ivy could issue further denial, a third voice interrupted.

"Hey, I heard a scream, is everything.. oh, hi. It's Harley Quinn, right?"

There'd been no warning of approach. No footfall, no creak of the stairs, just a very slight rush of air to herald the appearance of the lithe blonde. It wasn't so much the sudden intrusion that had Harley's jaw hanging loose though, but more the familiarity of the Ivy's mystery lover.

"It c-can't be you.."

The doe-eyed, towel-clad girl smiled guilelessly and laughed, rubbing the back of her neck self-consciously.

"Yeah, surprise, huh? I ran into Ivy couple weeks after the kiss, and we got to talking about how I didn't get greened or poisoned. Without anybody else around, it was really nice and well.. here I am! We haven't been introduced - I'm Kara. Ivy's told me a lot about you."

Kara's offered hand went ignored as Harley's head twitched and she stuttered out words while her brain short circuited.

"You.. Red.. and.."

"Contrary to what you might think of me Harle, I've found I really do prefer willing lovers that don't die after the first kiss."

"It ain't natural, Red!"

"Why, Harley Quinn, I had no idea you were such a homophobe."

"I ain't talkin' 'bout you both bein' girls!"

Ivy folded her arms and arched a brow.

Kara, hand resting forgotten on the back of her head, watched Harley's meltdown with fascination. It took several minutes of sputtering and incoherent gestures before Harley could vent in comprehensible language again.

"S'like Catty and the Bat.. or the Bat 'n Talia.. it don't work, Red! Our kind don't mix with their kind!"

Kara glanced sideways at Ivy.

"My kind?"

"She means like your cousin and Batman."

"Oh. Um, would it help if I mentioned I lived on Apocalips under Darkseid's control for a while and probably did lots of mean things I don't clearly remember?"

"Nice try, darling, but I don't think that's enough. Harley has a very provincial, Joker-centered view on things."

"Hey! I'm right here!"

"We can hardly forget, Harle."

Taking a breath and marshaling her reserves of composure, Harley grabbed hold of Ivy's robe and fixed her friend with ernest gaze.

"Red, think this through. S'only gonna end in tragedy. It always does."

"The tragedy, Harley, is going to be you having a stroke if you don't calm down."

"Harley's your friend. If she needs to relax, I don't mind if she.. you know.. joins us."

"That's lovely of you to offer, Kara, but Harley.. Harley? Oh no.. Kara! Get me out and back inside, quick!"

The invitation had been too much. Harley had cracked. Frozen in place, her white-knuckle grip was impervious to Ivy's frantic attempts to free her robe. Kara heeded the cry for help without question and turned her Kryptonian strength loose on the simple cotton. Tearing the robe clear in half up the back, Kara slung her naked paramour underarm and beat a hasty retreat back inside, slamming the door behind.

A three count later, Harley's sonic shriek etched itself indelibly upon the ears of the neighborhood.


End file.
